Married Monday: Roles in Marriage

 Hey guys I am going to start making my Monday post about being married. I hope to make this a series that hopefully helps someone, but also just lets me talk about whats in my head and my experience as I grow as a wife.

  I want to start with talking about marriage and the roles of a husband and wife. Now let me start off by saying I am no expert or am even good at doing my role but I have researched a lot and have seen what the bible says on it.


   When you announce to everyone that you’re going to marry the one who you’ve been dating for what seems like forever you get a lot of different responses. The obvious congratulations, the about times, and then you have the ones who say get out now while you can. That last set of people may not mean anything to horribly mean by it but lets face it, it’s just rude.  I choose to ignore them. After the initial congratulations a lot of people start to tell you how it won’t be like you think, it won’t be easy, but that it is worth it.

   If you read my first post you saw that I learned a lot in my first few weeks of marriage, and I can say I haven’t stop learning since, and its only been two weeks.Marriage is hard work, constantly thinking of what the other needs or wants, letting your own wants or needs go, remembering that its not all about you.  None of these things come naturally to me, I have a nurturing heart to help and take care of people I care about, but sometimes I am down right selfish. I mean that in the way of sometimes I just want to do what I want and not bother thinking of what he wants. That sounds pretty bad right, but I think that everyone has those moments. 

   When you get married the couple is leaving their parents and cleaving to each other as they become one flesh. A married couple is meant to be as one, a team. But in many relationships this is forgotten and they become separated and fight against each other.  I believe with God as the center of a marriage and a prayerful heart that any couple can remain one.

Ephesians 5:31 ESV

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

   A wife’s role can be found in different places in the bible. 

Ephesians 5:22-24 ESV

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

   Here we see that wives are called to submit to their husbands. (Not incredibly easy I know)  

Ephesians 5:33 ESV

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

   And here we see that wives need to respect their husbands. These two go together in my mind if you actively try to show respect and do respect your husband then you are more willing to submit to his ways. Now by submitting I do not believe that you have to say that your husband is right all the time, or that you should ever do anything that is morally wrong because he says to. But I do believe that it pertains to not arguing with everything he says, saying his opinions are wrong, correcting him all the time. Maybe those have more to do with respect, now that I think about it. When you submit to your husband you are saying my body is no longer my own it is yours, it is saying I trust you to take care of me. Submitting is what pleases God and that is reason enough to do it, even in times when you do not feel your husband is worthy of it. Also by submitting it does not mean that a wife doesn’t get to make any decisions or have a part in them, like I said before marriage is a team effort, decision making is no exception to the team dynamic, but if there comes a point when an agreement cannot be made it is the husbands place to make the final call because he is head of the house hold.

This is an article that I enjoyed reading on submissive wives.

   I will add more to a wife’s role when I discuss a Proverbs 31 women in a future post.

   A husband’s role is also explained in the bible. Being as I am not a man, my interpretation of these may not be perfect.

Ephesians 5:25-33 ESV

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,"

   Here it is shown that a husband should love his wife above all else, like he loves himself. He is to be a mirror of Christ and the church. He is to care for his wife as he would his own body.

   From the same passage where it tells wives to submit to their husbands, it also says that the husband is the head of her and the household. Husbands are called to be the head of the house, to provide and take care of it, as well as leading the wife spiritually.  From what I understand from different readings and from pre marital classes I feel that husbands are called to love, care for and provide for their wives and families, and lead them in a biblical manner. While in amount this does not seem like much, but it can not be easy to be a man who has that amount of responsibility, that is why we as wives were given to them to help them.

   Marriage is a team sport and does not work if you are not in it together and with the help from God. If you leave God out of your marriage then you have a marriage that can easily be broken. 

   Marriage is not easy but together you can make it through the hard parts. And rejoice in the fun parts.

   Like I said I am new to all this, I am nowhere close to being a great wife, but I try my best and I read anything that I think will help. And probably the most important thing I can do is I pray, I pray a lot on how to be better, how to bring glory to God in my marriage, and I pray for my husband.

Disclaimer: I said multiple times that marriage isn't easy, but I want to clarify and say that it is so so worth it because you are with the one person in the world that loves you no matter what and you get to do the whole adventure together. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

   I hope that this gives you something to think about in your marriage. Is your marriage still a team sport or are you against each other? Do you remember to be submissive, or at least make an effort to be? (this would be my rough spot) Do you pray about your marriage and your husband? Do you want me to pray for you? Just ask.

Here are a couple great verses on love, I’m sure you’ve seen some before.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:13 ESV

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

1 John 4:7 ESV

Beloved, let s love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.

   I would love feedback, advice, thoughts, even books to check out. I love hearing from you so leave a comment, I promise to reply. Also if there is something you would like to see on Married Monday's let me know!