Married Monday: The Problem with Pride

    Pride is defined as a high or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority.

   Pride will ruin any relationship you have, and it is so toxic in a marriage. Pride can make a person feel independent like you don’t need anyone, even God.  That should be enough to know you don’t want to be prideful. Here are a few other things that pride can cause and why it hurts your marriage.

• Pride will make it hard to apologize. When you realize you’re in the wrong and not your spouse having to say you’re sorry is hard. That’s pride it does not like to be wrong and really doesn’t want to admit it. But saying you’re sorry can be the magic words to help you marriage, to help your spouse let go of anger.
• Pride gives you the need to be right all the time. Proving you are right, even if you are, typically comes at the cost of tearing down your spouse. Always being right and showing that off does not make a happy healthy marriage, there is a need to be submissive and humble.
• Pride makes you defensive when criticized.  Criticism is not always bad and it can be helpful. But for a prideful person it is not what they want to hear. It hurts the ego, and the response they give is defensive.
• Pride makes one self-righteous and critical of others.  While they can not take criticism they are glad to dish it out. Can you see how this will harm a marriage? Constantly finding faults in your spouse and telling them will only make them angry, upset, and hurt. None of which you want to do to them.
• Pride makes you self-centered.  All your thoughts and actions are wrapped up in yourself. When you don’t care about the opinion of your spouse or just dismiss them because they are not the same as yours, your marriage will suffer.

   My biggest problem area I think is that I cannot handle criticism and that I am rather critical at times. This hurts my marriage and now that I am aware that this is a pride issue I can start to ask God for the help I need to overcome these problems.

   Do you see some signs that you may be more prideful then you thought?  Here is a list from The Striving Wife that compares a prideful person to a humble person.  Strive to grow the humble characteristics and let go of the proud ones.

PROUD PEOPLE

HUMBLE PEOPLE

Self-righteous; critical, fault-finding spirit Independent; self-sufficient Have to prove that they’re right Claim rights; have a demanding spirit Protective of reputation Desire to be served Desire to be a success Focus on the failure of others Have a drive to be recognized (wounded when others are promoted and they are overlooked) Self-conscious Keep others at arm’s length Quick to blame others Defensive when criticized Hard time saying, “I was wrong, will you please forgive me?” Wait for others to come to them to ask forgiveness Think they have nothing to repent of

Compassionate; thinks the best of others Dependent; recognize their need for others Willing to yield the right to be right Have a meek spirit Self-denying Motivated to serve others Motivated to make others a success Overwhelmed with a sense of their OWN spiritual need Sense of own unworthiness (rejoice when others are lifted up) Not concerned with self at all Will risk getting close and loving intimately Accept personal responsibility Receive criticism with a humble, open spirit Quick to admit their failure and seek forgiveness when necessary. Take the initiative to be reconciled no matter how wrong the other person might have been Realize a need for a continual heart attitude of repentance

   For the sake of our marriages, we need to stop and examine ourselves. Turn them over to God and ask for forgiveness. Then take it even further completely humble yourself to your husband, tell him your struggling. You may find that he is struggling as well, and you can make an effort together to better your marriage.

   I would love to hear from you. Do you have an issue with pride too? Does the proud list hit a little to close to home? Leave a comment bellow.

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