Married Monday: Communicating Disagreements

   Though most couples try to make a front that everything is always perfect in their marriage, it is very likely that they have fights, or disagreements or whatever they choose to call them. Truth is everyone does at some point or another. And it is ok, but it is how you choose to have the disagreement and resolve it that matters.

    In my post a few weeks ago I talked about communication and ways to improve listening and speaking, those tips are very important during disagreements as well. You can see them here.

   Disagreements are going to happen no matter what because we are sinners, put together two sinners for life and there are bound to be a few issues here and there. There are many causes for disagreements to arise but at the heart of each one is self. Human ego wants to do exactly as they please and have their spouse approve. When each person decides to take themselves and their wants out and in place strive to honor Jesus in their actions the amount of disagreements will most likely go down.

   Arguments do not have to be a negative thing; they can help open communication up. Being mean during though does make it a negative experience. Here are a few tips on how to have a constructive disagreement conversation.

• Take a time out- this one is hard for me because I feel like when there is no more talking the problem is much worse, I rather continue to be upset and screaming then in silence. But sometimes (usually) it is better to give a breather to let the emotions settle before continuing to avoid hurtful words.

• Don’t attack- Don’t sit there and ramble off how they never or they always do this or that. It doesn’t do anything but make the situation worst.

• Find the real problem- Typically the real issue is not what you’re fighting about at the moment. So think about what is the real problem that you’re upset about and get that out in the open.

• Don’t expect them to read your mind- Say what you mean and be open with what you are thinking. Don’t try to interpret your spouse’s actions or motives, ask direct questions.

• Don’t go to bed angry- Try to resolve the disagreement prior to going to bed even if that means staying up late. If there can not be a resolution at the time make an agreement to think and pray on it and then come back and talk about it. Don’t though hold on to the anger as you lay your head down, go to bed with peace in your heart.

• There does not have to be WINNER- You do not have to win the fight. Especially if it leaves your spouse upset or resentful, then you are not a winner at all. Your marriage and your spouse are much more important than you winning, or being right.

• Forgive- When the end of the fight is over admit your faults and forgive your spouse. I talked on this last week here.

   I hope these tips will help you some in the future, or maybe they are hitting home and you need to adjust some of your disagreement tactics. I know researching this has helped me think about how I am during a fight and the things I need to work on in my own life. I would love to hear your thoughts as well. Have a great week.

Sources-1,2,3