Married Monday: Communicating Forgiveness

      At some point in your marriage your spouse is going to upset you rather it is a little thing they said or something big, and you are going to do it too. It happens to everyone, and because no one is perfect and no two people are exactly the same, there is no way to avoid it.

    It is said that all of the best marriages are made up of two really good forgivers, and that is true. For a happy healthy marriage you can’t just stay mad or put out all the time and you can’t keep bringing the situation up, you need to forgive.  Forgiving is defined as to stop feeling angry or resentful towards someone for an offense, flaw, or mistake.

   In the Bible it is clear you are to forgive. In Mathew 6:14-15 says that if you forgive then God will forgive your sins, and that if you don’t he will not. Let me just say I am so thankful at the mercy God has and that he did forgive me for all my sins that it would be a sin against him to not forgive others, especially the one person he gave me to spend life with.

So how exactly do you communicate that you have forgiven your spouse.

   Directly telling them is a good way to start. Pick a time when there aren’t any distractions and you can talk freely. Let them know what upset you and why. Then let them explain what they meant or hopefully apologize. Then you tell them it is ok and you forgive them.

   Easy right, but it has to be more than just saying it you have to live it. Remember last week I said actions speak louder than words? Well it applies on this too, here are some tips on showing you actually did forgive them.

Let it go. This is important for you as much as the other person, don’t hold on to that anger when you say I forgive you that should be the end of it.

Don’t bring it up. The next time something similar happens or you’re in an argument don’t throw it back at them.

Joke around. In some situations a good way to show all is good is to make a joke about it and lighten up the mood.

If you’re the one who did the offending here are some thoughts on asking for forgiveness.

Listen. Hear what exactly made them upset or why it bothered them so much.

Apologize. More than just an “I’m sorry.” to end the conversation. A heartfelt apology showing you understand where you messed up and that you are sorry for how it made them feel.

Ask. Ask them to forgive you.

   Do you have something you are holding in that you need to talk with your spouse about? Do you need to ask your spouse for forgiveness?